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30 Days to a Better Stepfamily – Day 28

Being a step mom is probably more difficult than a birth mom, there are not as many hugs or “I love you”; and, at times, there are none at all.  You work hard and are given little credit or recognition.


I am on the sidelines with some conversations between birth parent and child. Conversations that are taken into another room, for privacy; and, my family, the people I serve, and that I love, need privacy – away from me.  I am on the dark side of the moon, out in the middle of darkness, not a planet, just a rock that hangs out around the earth and I’m not sure this is the life I want.

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I could just quit – Quit making bed, quit doing the laundry, or cooking the food.  I could quit picking them up from school and having good snacks, or quit making birthday cakes that look like teddy bears, butterflies or just quit acknowledging birthdays at all!  If you can’t include me then I QUIT!


I think about it, but I could not live with myself if I chose this kind of narcissist mentality.  I do what I can, then cry because it is not appreciated.  I want glory! Okay?  Here is the ugly truth; I want credit and extra credit for all that I do! Am I not worth my salt?


“Let me tell you why you are here.  You’re here to be salt-seasonings that bring out the God-flavors of this earth.  If you loose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness?  You’ve lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.” (Matthew 5:13 The Message)

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How, Lord, can salt loose its saltiness?


Salt is a mineral that is brought up out of the depths of the earth.  Then heat separates the salt, and then what is left is broken into pieces, so that it can be useful to others.


When salt looses it saltiness, it is because it has been watered down, or come in contact with other elements that contaminate it and render it useless.


Is that what is happening to me?  Am I allowing the things of this world to contaminate my joy, my influence and water it down to nothing?  Is my ravenous desire for credit the very thing that is causing me sorrow?


And I am being broken – of my own will, of my need for my own glory; and, at times it feels like a type of death.


Is this how salt feels when it rooted out of its environment, placed into boiling heat and then broken into pieces?  You know…this is not the marriage I signed up for!


I signed up for the marriage where everyone loves my cooking and I am loved and appreciated for all of my gifts and talents; and, where we have fun crafts that they love to do and, my love tank gets filled to overflowing and the love I give is immediately accepted!


But when the melt down and breaking apart is going on, I can see in Doc’s eyes, that my angry response to becoming salt is very unattractive to him.

Not the salt part, but the anger. 

Now, looking into his eyes, I see myself; and, it isn’t the beautiful bride that he married, and it isn’t the beautiful woman that I desire to be.  Yes, my hair looks good and my make up is on, and my clothes are attractive.  It is my pragmatic garment of self-seeking glory that causes his eyes to turn away in sadness.

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Something has to change…I have to change, because, in the end I am the only one that I have authority over; And my change is my journey, not my family’s.  My change is to allow Christ to change me into the rock he has created me to be.


Thank you for hanging in there with me, we are close to the end.  Please come back tomorrow for the conclusion of this lesson.  



Posted by Diane W. Bailey on December 20, 2012
5 Comments Post a comment
  1. 12/20/2012

    Hi Diane….. I have to tell you that I have these same problems and I am not a step-mom. My daughter is now 14, and knows everything, and is certainly not appreciative. It’s a tough time for me.. I’m just saying because I think these lessons apply to more that just step-families. These types of things go on in every family, but are probably more complicated with step-families. Good series.

    • 12/20/2012

      Thank you Barb. I’m sorry that you are going through difficult teen years – No fun. But you will see God’s Glory in these times, like you would see Him in no other. Merry Christmas, dear friend, – Virtual hugs your way!

  2. 12/20/2012

    Hi Diane, great lessons here, but I think they apply to every family, not just steps. I’m having the same situations with my own daughter. Doesn’t want to participate in fun family activities and is certainly not appreciative. These teens years are quite tough for me.

  3. 12/20/2012

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with wanting credit! I think it’s wired in us to be seen and appreciated, but it rarely happens to the mama. Step or not, we’re considered “the help.”

    It’s a constant battle to push away the anger and be a gracious servant. It’s a great opportunity to turn your eyes upon Jesus.

    One more day, girl — WRITE ON!

    • 12/20/2012

      Gott’er done – now to the other thing! Merry Christmas ,Susan! Hug the children and your hubby for me!


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