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30 Days to a Better Stepfamily – Day 25

My children are twenty-something and thirty-something years of age.  Doc’s children are in their early twenties. Both sets were about the same age when their parents divorced.

No matter how old a child is, they always long for their family of origin to be one.  This is where my maturity has grown, by the grace of God, prayer and love for the children.  Lately I have been able to give all of the children time with both of their parents in the same room –talking and laughing.

MED Cyndy Di

In the past few years, we have had times of getting together with the former spouses and their families.  At first it made my children a nervous wreck to have both parents in the room.  They were concerned that it would be world war three.

What they did not realize is that I had met with my former husband and run the idea past him for us to call a truce, agree that we would never agree, and enjoy our children and grandchildren together.

With Doc’s children, well, it has been difficult for me, and a learning curve; but, from the beginning, we have been around each other, supporting the children in their activities, and inviting all out to eat for birthdays, graduations or whatever the special event.

Choosing to grow up and get past the Junior High, competitive, Just-the-way-girls-can-be mentality, is the first step.

If you consider the former spouse an enemy, then read how to be at peace with your enemies from God’s Word.

Here are some good ones:

Romans 12:17-19 Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.

Matthew 5:44-46 “But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. “For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax-gatherers do the same?

Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Ephesians 4:15 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ,

Proverbs 16:7 When a man’s ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.

Maybe begin in a public place, but consider inviting your former spouse to have dinner with your family after an event the child has participated in.  Maybe you could pay for everyone – wow what a concept, what a gift.  Most people are on their best behavior when there is an audience.  This Christmas would you consider, you and your spouse, giving the gift of peace to your child, and allow their original family and stepfamily to gather together?


A Holy ExperiencePhotobucket

Posted by Diane W. Bailey on December 17, 2012
4 Comments Post a comment
  1. 12/17/2012

    You’re so right — if everyone can be together for games, recitals, functions, etc. it’s so much better for the child. And it teaches them about grace and getting along!

    You’ve done such a great job with this series. It’s still on my list of things to pray about for you. I can’t believe it’s almost finished! Girl, you’re due for a REST 🙂

    • 12/17/2012

      Thank you Sweet Susan! This has been such fun. A small break as the new website goes live, then back at it! Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  2. 12/18/2012

    Very true. I have lived with a blended family for 10 years and God has been gracious to allow us to get over the past and embrace the present with our children and grandchildren. You said it so well.

    • 12/19/2012

      Hi Vicky, so nice to have you here. We are going on fourteen years and the past is only a stepping stone into the future. Merry Christmas!


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